In Which Megan McArdle Annoys Me

*

Ugh.
I got into a short discussion on The Atlantic regarding abortion, Planned Parenthood and Virginia's new law that would force women seeking abortions to get invasive vaginal ultrasounds in the early weeks of their pregnancy. Because women are too stupid to know what being pregnant means I guess.


Ugh.
The whole thing makes me crazy.
(As a bit of background information I had an trans-vaginal ultrasound in the first month or so of my pregnancy because of pain and a bit of bleeding. The Doctor wanted to check to see if I might be having an etopic pregnancy.
The probe was huge, mutant dildo huge, with a ball on the end.  In any other situation I would have to be incredibly drunk and incredibly horny to allow something that big to be stuck up my vagina. It was painful and humiliating and totally wonderful because it allowed us to make sure everything was OK and completely voluntary.)

McArdle:" I think that abortion should be legal, but I also think that it should be a last resort, and I'm all for the government using any non-coercive methods it can to encourage women to carry their pregnancy to term, including things that will make them feel bad about aborting. I think, for example, that sonograms should be mandatory before termination, I'm in favor of waiting periods and parental notification laws, and I'm agnostic on spousal notification."


I wrote:
Seriously, you think that women are so stupid about what is in their wombs that they should be forced to have an invasive vaginal ultrasound before they can get their legal abortion?
Ever had one?
I have, 19 years ago, worst experience  in an OBs office I ever had. Think sex toy but of terrifying proportions.


Her Response:
Ever had an abortion?   Considerably more invasive than a trans-vaginal ultrasound.  In fact, there are lots of worse things that happen in women's health clinics; be glad you haven't experienced any of them.


My Response:
That's your response Megan?
It's not as bad as an abortion so lay back and "think of England"?
Like I asked, do you think women don't know what it means to be pregnant?  Do you think that roadblocks ultrasounds do anything but cost more money and cause some woman to have later and more dangerous procedures?
Here's the thing Megan having an abortion is voluntarily while having a probe (which take it from me was painful and a bit humiliating) stuck up your vagina at the behest of the state is NOT voluntary.


And being voluntary is the point and why her bullshit response to me is infuriating.

This response was from a "Libertarian". 

How much bull shit is that? 

In the name of fewer abortions she is OK with The State forcing a woman to submit to a bodily invasive procedure (or even just a regular ultrasound) that the woman has to pay for before she can get the totally legal and completely voluntary procedure she has already had plenty of time to think about. We don't need to be informed of what is in our wombs. 

We know.

Woman in the need of abortions do not need roadblocks  and ways to feel bad about what they plan on doing, they need to be supported. I wonder how many women who feel "bad" about having an abortion would have no issues if they were not made to feel they were doing something terribly wrong and shameful?


So ugh Megan, way to be supportive.


The other new argument in favor of invasive sonograms is more of the "well you've already had a cock in your va-jay-jay so why should a probe be a big deal?" Once again it is NOT about the probe, which I assume with technology is no longer mutant sex toy size, but with the fact that is is not voluntary. It is a foreign object that is being forcibly inserted into a woman's vagina.


A few other blogs noticed the conversations too:
Here at TBogg and The Hunting of the Snark.


*Yes, he was totally worth it even if he did find the whole idea of a "dildo sized probe" quite hilarious when his father and I were discussing The MaArdle-bargle.

On The Nose

I was just reading a review of I'm Sorry You Feel That Way by Diana Joseph, which I have yet to read, but one of the quotes from the book is this:

I adore you.

What the hell do you want from me now?

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

That sums up my life with my husband and son.
On.The.Nose.

Color Me A Bad Parent

But I have to ask, why do we respect the wishes of adults, but treat teens as little kids?

(unless they commit a crime and then we want them to act like adults and be treated like adults)

Adults make mistakes, bad decisions that effect their life and the lives of others, but it is teens that we say "oh they don't know what they are doing, they don't understand the consequences".

They have a right to self-determination and the right to fuck up their lives just like adults.

This question came as a result of this story of the 13 year old who wants to forgo chemo for his cancer even though there is a good chance he will be cured.

I think that this 13 yr old has thought long and hard about his treatment and has decided what HE wants, how he wants to live and if it comes to that, how he wants to die. Maybe 13 is too young, I don't know since I do not know this specific kid, but he seems to know what he wants.

Personally I think the "bad decisions" teens make are more an aspect of a lack of information, low expectations and stalker parenting (parents who hover and have made all a kids decisions and never given children any freedom within their lives).

Our society and the way we parent have basically created the circumstances that lends itself to this child/adult that cannot be trusted to make responsible decisions. Teens used to expected to live like adults, make adult decisions and guess what...they did. I understand that some research says that teens brains have not fully developed and unable to see the ramifications of their decisions, but that does not mean that all teens are unable to make life changing decisions.

If my teen had cancer we would look at all the information, talked to Drs. and give him our advice and opinions, but in the end we would RESPECT his RIGHT to refuse chemo if he wanted to and look to alternative cures.
Of course if he did not want to make a decision we would, as his parents, make that decision for him. I would respect his decision the same way I respected my husband's decision to opt for radiation for his cancer instead of surgery or how I would have accepted his decision if he decided not to do anything or if it returns and he says "no more treatments".

I wrote this comment on Daily Kos and of course was then told I was a bad parent and that they need us to make these decisions for them and that my respect of my son was disturbing.

(and seriously, The Boy does some stupid shit, just ask me about him and the Jelly Belly candy dish, he is not perfect, but he has demonstrated a disturbing habit of making choices that are scary in their commonsense and more adult then a lot of adults I know. )

So I responded "then prepare to be disturbed" and went on to let them know that I would respect my son's wishes. I wish I had added that not only did I not insist on helmets, I also let him play in the front yard ALONE (gasp), allowed him to take walks in the woods ALONE (gasp), don't worry about porn on the web (i assume he looks at it), or violent video games (i know he plays those and seems pretty non-violent), we let him drink some wine if he wants in our home, and would not freak out over weed. Not only that, if we lived in a city with a subway and he had wanted to ride alone, at 9years, after much planning I WOULD LET HIM* and if he had a brother and they were fighting in the back of the car I would PUT THEM OUT ON THE STREET** to teach them a lesson.

Like I said, color me a bad parent.

*of course that means you make a number of runs with the kid and educate them. Wow, trusting our kids to not be idiots. Knowledge really is power.

**of course this would be done close to home (maybe a mile or less) on a street with sidewalks and businesses, not out in the middle of nowhere. I would probably just go around the block and then stalk them to see how they handled it. If your children have half a brain and you live in town, they know how to walk home.

EDIT:

I have also been called a coward (on Daily Kos) and told to "grow a pair" and got this awesome strawman argument "And I'm assuming you would be supportive if the little shit decided to be a heroin addict, too ???".

nice.

Free Range Kids

I avoid blogs and sites that are focused on raising kids since we are pretty much done.
The Boy is 17 and our relationship is undergoing a subtle change so I'm not really looking for advice any more. He is turning out pretty well and even with his various learning disabilities we are getting a good vibe on how he will be able to navigate adult life and his ideas of what constitute success and happiness.
Except when my our parenting style and beliefs are validated by others. We decided a long time ago that you cannot protect your kids from everything, that harsh dictatorial discipline (you know who you are in my family) does not help kids learn about life or make help make them happy/successful adults, that they need freedom to grow and should be allowed to make their own choices within a sane structure.
So, of course, I am now loving Free Range Kids.

Basically the writer (who is the "horrible mom" who allowed her 9 yr old (gasp!) ride the subway alone...I ask you how do they ever learn to do this shit if you never let them?) pretty much sums up how I think kids should be raised:

Do you ever let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk alone to school? Take a bus, solo? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free Range Kid! At Free Range, we believe in safe kids. We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts. We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail. Most of us grew up Free Range and lived to tell the tale. Our kids deserve no less. This site dedicated to sane parenting. Share your stories, tell your tips and maybe one day I will try to collect them in a book. Meantime, let's try to help our kids embrace life! (And maybe even clear the table.)

Sane parenting.
Awesome, and she has collected them into a book called, what else?, Free Range Kids.
I've added the site to the blog roll and suggest my more "intense" parenting readers might want to buy the book and relax.

Human Right

Good quote via Andrew Sullivan:

"The right to marry whoever one wishes is an elementary human right compared to which ‘the right to attend an integrated school, the right to sit where one pleases on a bus, the right to go into any hotel or recreation area or place of amusement, regardless of one’s skin or color or race’ are minor indeed. Even political rights, like the right to vote, and nearly all other rights enumerated in the Constitution, are secondary to the inalienable human rights to 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness' proclaimed in the Declaration of Independence; and to this category the right to home and marriage unquestionably belongs," - Hannah Arendt, Dissent, 1959.


I guess I should mention that the bridesmaid in the top vintage wedding photograph is my paternal Grandmother, Leona Meier, the dude behind her may or may not be my Grandfather....I'm not really sure.
(Seriously. My image of my Grandfather is of him as old, wearing an undershirt while sitting in his recliner and smoking a pipe. Which is why my husband is not allowed to sit in a recliner wearing an undershirt. Though, I do wish he would smoke a pipe. I like the way pipe tobacco smells.)
The bottom photo is just part of the collection of vintage pictures I have picked up over the years.
I liked her "Gibson Girl" style and as a bonus, thought the groom looked scared to death.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day!
I love you Dad!

File Under "Growing Up"

Today my son, who is all of 16, started his first job.
Pushing carts.
He almost got run over by an old lady and a customer pushed a cart at him and hit his knee, got sunburned, but all in all I think it was a good day.
Quite a step for him.
He has always had issues (debilitating at times) with new experiences, so even the fact that he was able to go though the interview process with people he did not know in an unknown environment is a huge, HUGE step for him.
I'm so proud and sad at the same time.
Like they say they do grow up way too fast.

Shame Cave

Via Feministing....


I just about peed my pants when I watched the Daily Show last night.
God Stick and Shame Cave.

Seriously though, everyone knows that abstinence only does not work.
Why do the fundis and the Bush administration continue to force this on school districts?
But more then that why do the parents of teens (that silent majority who are not fundis)
not storm their school boards and demand that their kids get a real sex education program that
incorporates the facts and abstinence?
If Josh went to school i would be all over this.
As it is my kid knows all about sex and condoms and AIDS and STDs and babies i won't be taking care of or supporting and why abstinence is good until you are an adult.
What I have not done is lied and talked about "dirty toothbrush" or that sex is not nice.

BTW, big news for The Boy. Not only has he gotten his learner's permit he also got a job and went to pee in a cup today to prove he is not smokin' the weed......as if that should keep one from being a cart pusher.

Vintage Work Weekend (and in which I rant about getting old)

This weekend I did NOT vege out in front of the TV (ok, we did begin watching State of Play, which we had seen before on BBC America and loved and were jazzed to see is finally out on DVD and so I got a bit o' Bill Nighy time...and The Master, John Simms.) with Mr. Vintage Goddess, nor did I drive to any sales or spend the whole time playing on the net.
I worked.
I hand washed, I spot cleaned, I steamed and I took pictures of what will be going up on Damn Good Vintage in the next week or so.
I was quite the busy fucking bee...not to mention I did laundry and made chcolate strawberry muffins AND Roast BEEF with mashed taters AND gravy.
DAMN I am a goddess among housewives, fear me and love me bitches!

On the vintage front I am going to begin selling a bit of vintage jewelry.
I took some pictures (I am not happy with them) of a couple of pieces.
Yes, those a freaking bongo drums. I love 40's quirky stuff.


Cute 60's(?) multi colored pin and earrings.

I have this awesome vintage 60's lace cocktail wiggle dress, it is an XL.
This amazing Henry Rosenfeld bronze rockabilly dress. VLV?
Cute vintage pink gingham shirtwaist dress....shirtwaist dresses make me very happy.

I have to say I'm really happy with my new dress form and backgrounds, but my back is killing me today which brings me to the most important point of this post.
I hate getting old.
The older I get the more of a bitch I become BECAUSE everything fucking hurts and has begun to fail to listen to my commands.
Yes my back, which used to be cool with the extra weight and bad posture and all the crazy sitting positions, no longer is happy. It wants me to sit right, loose weight and get a new mattress.
My eyes, which have never worked properly, have decided that they do not like the bi-focals (yes, bifocals) and now require me to take my glasses off to read and the put them back on to see.
Except, get this, I forget WHERE I put the fucking things.
And lastly, when I cough, liquids seem to be leaking out of me.
WTF?
I have been coughing A LOT the last few weeks.

The worse thing is one begins to worry about their father who has had a heart attack and even though he does not need to go anywhere insists on shoveling the fucking snow off of his huge ass driveway just in case he has a heart attack and my mom needs to take him to the hospital, I guess.
When I share my concern with my mother, what does she say?
"We have an ergonomic shovel."
Seriously?

Buy a damn snow blower so I do not have to worry.
K,thx.
And he is chopping wood for his new play toy, the fireplace/Franklin stove that came with his new house. (of course I know I should be glad he feels buff enough to do all this stuff.)

Vintage is awesome in clothes, but sucks when it is a human body that is slowly decaying.

More Snow!

None all winter and now twice in one week.
I know there are those of you who have had snow since December, but I am so excited we finally have winter. Spring should be here in, oh, about one week.
The birds were crazy at the feeders.
I tried to get a few pics, but they just would not cooperate.
Little bastards.

I'll Love you Forever

Just a hint.
If by some small chance of fate you decide to clean out all the old cassettes you have in the wardrobe and you come across a tape that has all the lullabies you sang to your teen when they were itty bitty.
Don't listen to it.
In particular don't listen to "I'll Love You Forever" which you sang every night to said teen from day one till about age 7 or 8 when they requested that you stop singing to them.

If you do you will melt into a mess of blubbering, sobbing mommy goo.
I'm just warning you.

Asshats and Tears

Normally I can just ignore that part of the American public that exists just to make me feel all shouty and stabby.
Not today.
After having spent some time in the annoying Target store avoiding all manner of asshattery I come out to my van to see that the lady who pulled in next to me did so at the diagonal.
So close that I had to go around the front of my vehicle to get in the door.
I sat there for a few thinking of all the things I'd like to do, like scrape her car door as I got out of the space or let the air out of her tires.
Instead, for once, I wrote that note that I always think of too late:

Dear Asshat Target Shopper.
Hi.
Awesome parking skills you have there. Thanks for allowing me to practice my mad driving skills by getting out of this parking space without scratching your craptastic van.
Merry fucking Christmas!

No not very nice, but damn it, it would have taken her 2 min to straighten her van in the parking space. I wish I had a camera with me so I could have taken a picture and posted it here.

After that I got to be annoyed at the library, Lowe's and then WalMart.
While waiting in line to pick up my prescription there was a gal with a little guy.
Maybe 2ish.
He was just being a little guy, but mom was tired and bitchy and I felt sorry for her.
He really was not being bad, but you could tell her day had already been long.
What I wanted to tell her was that they go from this:
to this:
in a nano second and there is no going back.
I wanted to tell her to lighten up and enjoy the silliness and the little kid-ness and just let things go. How many times did I scoff at folks who told me to enjoy my son while he was little, the time goes by so fast.
I was a fool, they were right.
and while I was thinking this I began to CRY.
Seriously, in WalMart, standing in line waiting for a prescription.
Jesus, I'm such a sop.

Good Times

This article over at Radar Magazine about the worst toys of all time had me and my hubby in stitches.
My favorite was, of course, the most awesome toy of all time; Lawn Darts.

Removable parts? Suffocation risk? Lead paint? Pussy hazards compared to the granddaddy of them all. Lawn Darts, or "Jarts," as they were marketed, would never fly in our current ultra-paranoid, safety-helmeted, Dr. Phil toy culture. Lawn darts were massive weighted spears. You threw them. They stuck where they landed. If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved. During their brief (and generally awesome) reign in 1980s suburbia, Jarts racked up 6,700 injuries and four deaths.

I loved jarts.
The best toys are always the most dangerous.

Good times.

PEEPS

What teenage boys do when they are bored and have a few packages of peeps.



Peep Torture!

The First Day Of Spring

This was just the perfect spring day here at Goddess central.
High 70’s, low humidity, sunny.

My husband buried his father today.

James S. Woolfolk, SR. passed from this world Sunday evening.
Tuesday Mr. Goddess and The Boy headed to Kentucky for the
funeral.

I, on the other hand had to stay behind to hold down
the home front due to an overabundance of pets (4 dogs, 3 cats) and
no one to watch them. (We used to have some great neighbors who would come feed
and make sure they got to go outside, but they moved a few years ago.) Just
a hint, if you like to take vacations and trips with your spouse an
over abundance of pets are not a good idea…some day The Boy will be old enough
to stay behind and we will travel the world.

An obituary can only tell you so much about a life.

When I was 19 my the fiancé took me from St. Louis to Kentucky to meet
his family. My future father-in-law went out of his way to make me feel
welcome and one of the family. He had a keen sense of humor, was intelligent
and widely read and a Southern Gentleman in ever sense of the word. I remember his
smile, the way he would drive my then toddler son around on his tractor, the words he would use to describe Republicans.
No, they were not for polite company.
He went to bed too early for his wife and would stoke the fire too high.
Four fine sons and five grandsons.
He read mystery novels and historical biographies and did the New York Times crossword puzzle.

My husband said that the men he worked with that came to the viewing all praised his
ability to impart his knowledge to others, willing to share what he knew and that they could trust his word.

Alzheimers stole his sharp mind, the memories of a Grandfather from my son and ultimately Jim’s life.

Requiem In Pace

My mother-in-law said it was a beautiful day in Kentucky too.

*and yes that is the freaking cutest dress and purse, did you think I would not
make a comment about the clothes?

Happy Tears

I've been looking back at old pictures today. I do this
each year on my son's birthday. Tears, but for the most part
happy ones.
On March 2 at 2am 15 years ago this sweet baby was born.



I never, never, never wanted kids.
I am glad the Universe does not listen to me.


He has been a joy and a blessing in my life.
Btw, this is the way he looked from about 3-8.


Even now as a teen he enriches my life in so many ways.
and though I miss that baby boy who actually liked to
cuddle with mom and would not run away if I tried to kiss
him, I am looking forward to seeing the adult this generous,
kind, funny and clever being will be.


Happy birthday Josh!

Bad Mommy

or how to screw with your teenager.
So The Boy and I were sitting here and a commercial came on for some
movie with the "frequency" that only teens can hear.
The Boy begins to just freak out.
I thought he was just fucking with me...doing some bizarre dramatic
"OMG! It is killing me!!!!!" dance.
So I went here and downloaded the 17KHz mosquito cell phone ringtone.
Then I hit play.
Hahahahahahahahah....
Ok, so it really does bother The Boy.

Dude, the power I have over him is UNLIMITED!
He will now empty the dishwasher when I ask, take out the trash at
the 1st suggestion and just basically be my minion until he is unable to hear
the demon sound any more.

I love technology.