Saturday, February 12, 2011

People Die, That's What they Do

12/25/95
Julie,
Have a wonderful Christmas and always remember me at my best -
surrounded by beauty with my nose planted in the bible. :-)
(yes, seriously he wrote out a smiley face....remember when people used to do that?)


Jesus, look how skinny I am.


People have died.
That's what people do!

That's what Moriarty screamed at Sherlock.
And he's right.

Is there a word for the feeling you get when you Google the name of an old friend because you were too lazy to look for it and wanted to give him a call because you thought "man it has been awhile" only to find out said friend had passed away?
Because that just happened to me. My friend Frank Miranti has been dead since 2009 and I had no idea.
How much do I suck?
I need something cool and hip that describes the drowning sadness I feel at the loss of one of the most extraordinary people I've ever know known most of my life. Not just my adult life, but all my teen years and the whole time I've been a wife and mother. He was THE ONE who became the friend who refused to let me just drift away like I have a habit of doing with people.

I still dream about him, he was the hottest guy I ever kissed (we never dated which was a good thing...even though he did tell me, years later, that the one time I met his dad he told Frank he should marry me or that I was a "Keeper" or something like that....).
Hot, right?

But I lost touch with him in the last few years because I suck as a friend.
What is the name of the feeling you have when realize that you really SHOULD have called him back in April 2009 when he made his yearly birthday call to you.
But you, being the lazy bitch that you are just let it go and figured you would talk to him at Christmas instead. And then when Christmas came and he didn't call you just filed it away in your head until today when you think "you know Frank didn't call me at all last year, I'll see if he is on Facebook (which he would never have been) or Twitter (what a ridiculous idea) and get in touch and apologize for being such a shitty friend...again" but instead you find out that he didn't call because he was dead.
I guess fucking shitty is a good word to cover how I feel right now. Yeah and I'm pretty pissed off at myself too.

I used to think about driving up to see him (it's not that far away from here) but that never happened and I thought there would be time later to be more then the "over the phone" friends we had become.
Frank took me to see The Wall stoned and kissed me in his car after (I was 17) and broke my silly teenage heart. He was there when I graduated from high school, when I came back from Arizona and when I got married, he wrote me tons of letters when he went away to college (I still have them) and made sure I was sure and happy when I got married and ignored how uneducated I was about the world at times and really thought I could be more then I was and he always had advice about my sad pathetic gardens and worried about my spiritual life more then I did over the years.
He was brilliant and funny and so fucking generous and kind and was a better friend then I ever could possibly deserve.

I know...still cute for a middle aged guy.


So better late then never...I loved Frank and I think I'll go get drunk now and take to my bed for a few days in his honor and then start getting the gardens ready for spring.

So here is his obituary that even mentions his old car that he had when I first met him in the early 80's.
http://www.columbiamissourian.com/obits/obit/1369/

And a lovely post from a friend about Frank and his lemon tree and his life.
http://marciemcguire2.wordpress.com/2010/10/28/lemon-tree-very-pretty/

And since Sustainable Farms and Communities, Inc in Columbia Mo. seemed to be an organization important to him you can always donate in his name:
http://farmersmarketpavilion.org/donate/


(Frank would have also looked over this post and marked my grammatical/spelling errors....now all I have is spell check.)


5 comments:

Victoria said...

This was very touching yet sad to hear about the lose of your dear friend. But it is an honor to hear about such a wonderful man as you share your thoughts and feelings with the world.

Warmly, Victoria

What-I-Found said...

I do have a sense of how this feels. Our friend Steve (who even sang at our wedding) was found a few years ago dead in a fleabag hotel, alone. I had lost track of him and didn't know that drugs and alcohol had taken over his life.
It feels awful.

DaisyFairbanks said...

So sorry for the loss of your friend. I do know how that feels. Give yourself a big hug, cut yourself some slack, and know this - he knew how much you loved him.

The Vintage Kitten said...

Im very sorry to read of your loss. Frank sounded like a wonderful man X

Marcie said...

I'm so sorry you had to learn about Frank's death through Google. It's very sad when we don't get a chance to say goodbye to people we care so much about. His death caught us all by surprise. I'm sure many of us will be thinking of Frank this year as we start our gardens and wishing he were here to give advice. Thank you for sharing your photos and memories. Don't be hard on yourself. Frank wouldn't like that.